Thursday, April 05, 2007

Rat monkey depression

I am depressed.

This is the point when you either read on or leave this website or watch the video below, then leave.

Yes, I am depressed today. Even the video above doesn't cheer me up. I won't go into the reasons behind this depression - there are just too many, and they are probably irrational anyways. When you are depressed, well, when I am depressed, I am tired, unmotivated, bored. I feel like time is slowed down - everyone's minding their own business and probably having fun, while I sulk... in my bedroom... all day. I haven't done much today - I woke up very late, took a shower, ate, sat, ate. So yeah, not a good day today.

Depression. Depressed. Logically speaking, they should be happy words. Pressed is like stressed, and depressed seems like you are relieved. But no, it's a sad sad word. Anyways, when you are depressed, you also don't know what you talking about. You have bad dreams. I've dreamt about having to do essays for homework for two nights in a row - and they are english literature ones too! How screwed up is this? I don't even take english literature anymore - and for some twisted reason they haunt me in my dreams.

Let me check the dictionary to see whether I am actually depressed:

• noun
1 severe despondency and dejection, especially when long-lasting and accompanied by physical symptoms.
2 a long and severe recession in an economy or market.
3 the action of depressing.
4 a sunken place or hollow.
5 Meteorology a cyclonic weather system.

I think I could ignore two to five. But what the hell is despondency and dejection! God damn it!

• adjective in low spirits from loss of hope or courage.

• verb sadness or low sprits.

Well, I am kind of despondent in a way - low spirits definitely, don't know if I have loss of hope/courage though. Hope for what? I have nothing to hope for! Dejection - yes.

So I am definitely depressed. And this is going to last for quite a long time. Until something drastic happens - I mean when I win a lottery ten times in a row as opposed to experiencing a car crash.

Nobody said there was going to be a good ending!


Edit: Not so depressed anymore. :)

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